What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 08:33
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
What is the best sex you have ever had (in detail)?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why do people procrastinate and how can they stop?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Would you date/marry a guy younger than you? If no, why not?
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
How did you get to be a leftist?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why did i forgive my father ?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She loved him until the end.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Grooming gang victims' concerns weren't dismissed, Reeves says - BBC
But, we were locked up after school.
She married twice! .
This is soul school!.
Astronomers discover the largest 'ultramassive' black hole ever seen - Earth.com
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
How did you become popular in school?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
What are some fun/kinky things to do with your partner?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I said to her
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Does the West have a defense against China's PL17 air-air missile?
I write beautiful poetry .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
How do you find out who your handler is as a targeted individual?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
What did i know ?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And i lived it daily.
Was to survive, this bastard.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Im still living with it.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He knew the spot.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Especially a lifetime of it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We were not on the streets..
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was very sick at this time too.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She was in good health!
When she asked me how she looked .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I think the readers, may guess!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Who then, do I blame.?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She found it foreign!.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Put me off passion for life!!
I was 9 years of age.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My life is so biszare .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But it wasn’t much.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I have no regrets .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was scared of men, in general
I was seconnd youngest,
So, i spoilt her more .
All the time i was locked up.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I never cut or harmed myself..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But ive been too sick for many years..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Ive learnt so much.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
It was going to be , some day.
Would this be the day?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Comes on , in middle age.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I waited trembling.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I don,t even have a pension.
As i do to all so called friends.?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
One cannot live in the past .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My family never makes their pension either.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We all went to grammer schools
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
So whats the point in blame.
I will be 64.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She wouldn,t have been !